You gotta get up and try, try,try

I promise myself:

To never beat myself up again. To accept my imperfections. To be okay with every move I make. To thrive in darkness. To stop waiting for life to change for me to feel better. To accept the chaos, setbacks, mistakes, past hurts. To be ok with the mess in every area of life.

To love my weirdness, irrational decisions, fears, weaknesses. Not to know where to go next, and love it too.

I promise to stay strong no matter what. I promise to love myself even when nobody else does.

I promise to stop trying to figure out life. I promise to allow myself to feel depressed and lost, and be okay with it. I promise to stay strong through it.

I promise to stay strong when everything falls apart, and there is not even one thing to hold on to.

I promise to accept myself ill, scared, not sure, indecisive,  anxious, angry, lonely. I promise to never again compare my life to the life of others and feel worse than everyone else on this planet.

I promise to fight. To get up and try. To stop waiting for life to calm down before I can feel good about myself. Stop waiting for the moment when I solve all problems, resolve all past traumas, become perfect. Stop fooling myself that that moment will ever come.

Stop fantasizing about becoming someone else and feel bad because Im still not there.

To stop giving a fuck about assholes’ opinions, about me not being confident enough, relaxed enough, positive enough. About someone thinking that im not enough.

Stop trying to change before I can love myself. Stop thinking that I have to change. That I have to be different so that I can fit to this world. Stop trying to fit to this world. Stop trying to be as everyone else.

I promise myself to just stop trying so hard. To love my life now. Messy, imperfect, not figured out. Start loving feeling lost, and start understanding that I’ve never been lost.

Im here. Ive always been here. And always will be, until my time comes.

I promise to always remember this and never lose myself again.

To stop giving so many fucks about bastards, politicians, exes, fake friends and all the things which are out of my control.

Stop living in a sea of regrets and sorrows. Stop thinking that my life could be better if I was different.

To stop obsessing over every word I said. Stop thinking that I could have done better. To understand that they way it was – it was perfect.

That “better” or “worse” is only my perception. Only my decision. And I can decide that it was perfect.

I promise to remember that I will get through this.  To start living with no regrets. No time to feel sorry. My time is limited.

I am me. I love me. I love my far-from-happy-facebook-family-picture life.

I promise myself to finally stop hanging in a limbo of fantasizing of better past and future.

I promise myself to spread more love and kindness if I want to. And be okay if I dont.

I promise myself to not be afraid of rejection so much. To remember that I will never reject me again. And to be okay when I do.

I promise to feel cool about myself now. It’s my life. And it’s perfect.

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