I tried so hard and got so far… but in the end it doesnt even matter

It starts with one thing. We are conceived. And before we take our first breath – 90% of our life is predefined. Religion, nationality, social class, amount of fame, money, amount of love, abusive parents, social values, DNA, diseases. We are all set.

We want to believe we create our reality and control life. But the truth is – we get to choose very little.

We think we can control other people. But they go away and do their things. We think we can control nature. But it goes and destroys continents. We think we can control politicians. But they go and do just exactly what we dont want them to do. We think we control our children. But they grow up and become “unappreciative bastards”.

We think we can control ourselves. But we go and do just that one thing we know we shouldn’t.

Trying so hard.. To realize that it doesnt really matter.

Soon we will be ashes on the ground.

It doesnt matter if you had good grades at school. If you had brand clothes. If you got married. If you had children. If you were healthy or barely breathing. If you had good business deals or barely making ends meet. If you had villa with a swimming pool or you were homeless.

It doesnt even matter if you’ve influenced the history of the world. Who cares? you won’t be around. Your impact will anyway be twisted, rewritten, hidden, assigned to someone else, or simply forgotten.

In the end it doesnt really matter…

They say we can change our lives. I tried. I failed.

They say we can control our mind. I tried that too.

They say we have to see the power in our pain. I see pain only.

Is it really all that is? We are born to certain circumstances and upbringing and that’s it. No way out of our own boxes.

Is there really no escape from this quicksand?

It feels like all my hard efforts are just enough to stay on the surface and not be sucked in.

Will man ever stop looking for a meaning of life? Are we doomed to endlessly run around in fear and despair like blind cats, afraid to make a tiny step forward?

Will we ever stop the misery ?

Is this all? To be born and to go through a lifetime of pain and darkness?

I had to fall, to lose it all. But in the end it doesnt even matter…

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