Why are we so afraid of being judged by others, if we know that we all are afraid of it?
So we worry about not being liked by the person X, while X is worried about not being liked by us and Y. While Y is worried about not being liked by us, X and Z.
It’s a nonsense.
Why do we value the opinion of others higher than our own?
The people, whose opinion matters, usually don’t judge. The great masters and achievers, enlightened and peaceful people – their opinion and advice could be taken into account, but they dropped the need for judgment long time ago.
Or the people you truly connect with. Those best friends who see right through you and love you unconditionally. That best husband who saw you in your darkest moments. That most understanding mom who was there for you when your heart was broken.
Those people don’t judge. They advise. They support. But they don’t criticize.
Everyone who does – don’t matter. They haven’t achieved enlightenment. They haven’t been with you for your worse. They have no clue why you behave in a certain way. And they usually don’t care about those details.
Criticism – is not expressing an opinion. It’s a need to feel better in comparison to someone else.
If you have an opinion, and someone criticises it – don’t rush into agreeing with them. Evaluate it with your senses, because sometimes it can be something meaningful. But if you still think you are right – reject their rejection. Stand by yourself, they are not smarter than you are.
I don’t trust your mind more than I trust mine.
After some time the people who are on a totally different path than you will drop out automatically, and will be replaced by those who “just get you”.
My whole life I thought Im “overreacting”, “too emotional”, “too shy”, “too arrogant”, “oversharing”, “want weird things”, “don’t want normal things”, or just “weird”. I thought so because of the judgment of people who consider themselves perfectly, boringly normal. If someone dares to behave differently from what is written in the book of normalness – they rush to label it as “not normal”.
Normal people know how you should live your life. How you should dress, think and feel, what you should eat and read, whom you should love and at what age you should get married and have kids, and when you should get a loan to buy a flat.
They know because they’ve read the book of normalness and they followed it precisely, and are very proud of it.
When we judge others – it means we don’t like something about ourselves. Whether we are not utilizing all our potential, and it hurts us to see others succeed. Or we got married under social pressure and not out of love, and it hurts us to see how free other people feel. Or we think if we don’t look like a model – we can’t be loved, and so it hurts us to see someone beautiful who can get all the love they want.
It hurts, but we don’t want to admit it, so we criticize others in order to distract ourselves from dealing with inner pain.
– Look, she married a loser! I would have never married such a guy! (well, nobody asks you to. But in fact, it just hurts you that you are still single)
or the opposite:
– Look, she is still single at the age of 30/40/50! OMG, what’s wrong with her? Does she want to be alone her whole life? (Why do you really care if she stays alone her whole life? What you really care about is realizing something in your life. Perhaps you are staying in your marriage only not to be alone)
It’s better to be genuinely weird than boringly normal
(don’t remember the author)
I thought I am weird until I met people who are “weirder”. I extremely love them all. And everyone who is normal does not belong to my world any longer.