Have you ever had an experience when you speak, but it seems that you are not participating in it? When you desperately trying to come up with “better” words, but instead you say something different? And then you think you failed so bad, because it’s not what you wanted to say. But you talk to the people who were there – and it appeared to be your best speech ever.
It happened to me many times. Recently I was presenting our software at the meeting, and I did not prepare for it. I started to speak, and thought: I have to say more details about this aspect. But instead, I went on to the questions time. And I went on like that for 1 hour.
After the meeting I was sure it was bad. I did not worry much, as Im leaving the company. But nevertheless, I was sure I failed to communicate the matter.
But my colleague saw it in a different way.
– That was a blast Yuliya – he said. – Why are you leaving us?
The other day I went to meditation workshop. There we had to connect to our Higher self and deliver the message to our meditation partner.
I was terrified of that!!! I was sure my inner guidance is somewhere on permanent vacation. It never speaks to me!!! I will let my partner down by not giving her any message…
But the teacher told us not to think too much and just say whatever comes to our mind first.
So I did. I said the first phrase which crossed my mind, and then… I just heard myself speaking … And at the same time realizing with my mind that Im not thinking it, forcing, or planning the next word. Im just watching it.
My meditation partner almost cried after hearing the message.
Another time I had a session with a NLP practitioner to help me heal childhood pain. She was suppose to ask me the questions, and based on my answers lead me further trough the session.
She told me the same thing: dont think, and dont question your answers. Dont try to explain or justify. Say what comes first to your mind.
She asked me about the first time I was a witness of parents’ fight – healing the first encounter of the pain.
I answered that it was on 4th month of my mother’s pregnancy. And then I was like – wait what? How would I know such thing? it’s ridiculous.
But we went on with the session, and the deeper we were getting to the memory in order to rewrite it – the more I cried. I cried unstoppably. It was just going out and I had no control over it. But the next day I felt blessed like never before.
I knew that the answer was the truth.
We often doubt our intuition. We get the first answer or idea and then we question it. We put fears over it. We put logic, shame, pain, judgments, and all sorts of things. And then we abandon it.
It’s when we learn to trust ourselves without further questioning – the life starts flowing.
Pick your first choice. Say the first answer which came to you. Test it on things which do not matter much, dont test it when you are under pressure.
Sometimes you might think you said it all wrong. But the truth is you have no idea why your inner self wanted you to say it. Maybe to protect you from someone. Maybe to force you to think about something.
Im still having hard times to trust myself completely, but I’ve made a progress. When I trust – things flow. When I question and hesitate – things get stuck, and on top of that I beat myself up for not saying what I wanted.
It is scary to rely on something which is not explained by the logic. But I tried, and I will never give up trying more.