My entire life I felt that Im weird. I thought I have wrong ideas, opinions, and interests. Growing interest in spirituality was never understood by my friends. I also felt weird about my personality traits like being in love with coffee, always feeling cold no matter the weather, loving deeply and very emotionally and many other.
So I was pretending not to have those feelings. I was pretending I don’t care about people. I was pretending that I’m not that cold. Because people would shame me on that(!), saying how can I love so much or feel so cold.
8 or 9 months ago I started working on self-love and acceptance. During that period I lost 90% of my friends, fans, and other connections. I felt completely alone, abandoned and misunderstood. Which made me think that I must be really weird if people are simply cutting any connections with no warnings.
I went through the spiritual awakening, dark night of the soul, and through a period when I wanted to submit myself to the mental hospital. I felt that I’m losing touch with reality. I didn’t know what is real and what is my imagination. I didn’t know what to believe.
But I kept on going, because I realized that no matter how scary my path is – I can’t go backward. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. Old friends wouldn’t reply when I contacted them. Or cancel our meetings the last moment. All of a sudden I had not a single soul to go out with and live my old life.
So I had no other choice but surrender to the process. I surrendered. Deep inside I felt, or hoped, that it’s simply an exchange for new. The Universe had to free the space for new people. Old friends were no longer on the same energy level.
And I was right. My life has dramatically changed. Slowly, one by one, I started to find same “weird” friends. Those who believe in spirituality, God, soulmates, twin flames, who follow moon cycles and who meditate daily. And last weekend I’ve attended “Gate to sacred feminine” workshop, where I met my kindred spirit, or maybe even a soulmate-friend. I have never met someone as “weird” as me. She is always cold too. She is cranky without coffee too. She has similar dreams, she can talk about coffee for hours same as me, wants to open her cafe and many, many other things and synchronicities. And the main thing which I loved in her – she is super comfortable with herself.
I even told her: “I felt weird my whole life, but now I met you” 🙂
Our similarities can’t be explained other than the Universe is bringing me the evidence of my own self-acceptance.
I realized that I have never been weird. I just never accepted myself for who I am, and so I attracted wrong people who confirmed that to me.
I know it’s changing now. I meet wonderful people with whom I can talk about my dreams and beliefs. Who consider me intelligent and interesting. And not weird at all. I am thanking the Universe every day for shutting down old connections for me, because I was unable to do it by myself. And if I kept on talking about how bad all men are, or how government sucks, or how that colleague is stupid, or even about world disasters and technology breakthroughs, or any other topic I am completely indifferent to – I would have never had time to focus on what’s really important to me. And I would have always felt weird for not being interested in the most “important” subjects in our society.
And I would have always felt weird for feeling cold.