To any woman who’s been abandoned by a man

Dearest woman,

I know how it feels. I know you feel unworthy. Why didn’t he choose me? I  must be not good enough.

But I really want to show you that it was never about you. It’s not your fault. It was always about him. It’s him who shutdown his feelings and put a protection wall so that nobody hurts him again. It’s him who will never be able to love and receive love. It’s him who completely lost touch with his masculinity.

It has never been you, and you could never feed his hunger for finding the “perfect mate”. His abandonment of himself, his denial of himself forces him to search for someone he thinks is perfect. To complete his own imperfections. He will never find one. He will always end up hurting himself again, but it’s not your problem. You are not suppose to fix him. You are not suppose to play a role of his mother. He has to deal with his wounds on his own, if he wants to.

But it was never about you.

The question you should ask yourself is only : Why are you attracted by this type of men?

Why are you tolerating his disrespectful behavior? Why are you letting him to ignore your feelings? Why are you trying to comfort him? Why do you keep ignoring the red flags, your inner voice which tells you that his behavior is not right? How dares he make this story all about him and his past hurts, and not give a damn about yours?

Who the hell is he???

Why do you keep abandoning yourself?

You want him back so desperately because you want to prove him that you are good enough. Despite that he never treated you as a queen, as you deserve to be treated, despite he never gave you a closure, no matter how much you did for him. It was, and never will be, enough for him.

Same as it was never enough for your father. Or maybe for both of your parents.

Same as you struggled to be the best for your parents, but constantly ended up being the worse. Same as you wanted to earn their love – you are trying to earn the love of this man.

But love can never be earned. It is there, or it is not. And you dont need to work for it.

What you are missing right now is not an approval from that man. It’s an approval from your parents, which you didnt get as a child.

But same as it’s now  – it was not your fault that you parents never showed you love. You were an innocent child, who was looking for love and joy, and who never received it.

And as you didnt receive it, as you were punished for any attempt to show your protest and anger – at some point you decided that you are simply unworthy of love. You shut yourself down and disconnect from your inner child. And you abandoned her for decades.

I want to tell you that if you keep attracting unavailable men into your life, while all you want is to be treated like a queen – it’s because your life is ruled by your inner child. She keeps seeking for approval. She was never acknowledged. Her pain was never acknowledged.  Her innocent need for love was ignored for too long.

I want to tell you, that before you can come back to yourself and talk to your inner child, acknowledge her pain, acknowledge that it was never her fault, say that she is good enough just because she exists, assure her that you will never abandon her again – you will not be able to move forward. You will always attract men who are emotionally blocked and whose approval you’ll be desperately trying to force. And you will always end up hurting yourself even more.

Dearest one,

You can, and should be treated as a queen. You can have it. But you have to heal first. You have to come back to yourself and ask for forgiveness. And make a commitment to never disconnect again.

You can do it.

 

 

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