When you break down

Our society is all wrapped up in achieving. Whether it’s achieving in manifesting or spiritual growth, or in careers and lives in general – we all feel as a failure if we don’t achieve and get, get, get, one thing after another.

Ever since I started reading about Law of attraction I felt like on a quest – I have to score in manifesting every single time! When the desire was not coming, I felt the frustration, but decided that I should ignore it and turn it all to positive thinking.

But ignoring NEVER works. At least not for me.

Day by day, I started to feel deep background dissatisfaction with myself.

Where is my desire? Why is it not coming? What am I doing wrong? If it’s not manifesting – means Im offering the resistance. OMG how can I still resist my desires after KNOWING SO MUCH about it? After working on myself so hard and for so long? 

It should come now! ok, maybe tomorrow. Ok, if it doesn’t come in 2 days – I give up!

WHERE IS IT , FOR GOD’S SAKE?

Dear God,

I need help on this. What am I doing wrong? Where am I miscreating? I need answers.

WHERE IS THE FUCKING ANSWER????

Why everyone around receives the answers but I don’t?

Where is that ever-calm voice which suppose to carry me trough and show me the light?

Why am I NOT guided to write the answers? I am a writer, after all, isn’t it suppose to come to me trough writing????

I have this horrible task at work which I can’t manage and which I hate! Instead of a job I love – I receive something I hate!!

WHAT IS THE POINT OF MY WHOLE LIFE???

God has abandoned me! Something is wrong with me! It doesn’t work only for me! Why dont I have anybody to support me?  I am all alone in the whole world!

These, and many others, were my thoughts for the last few days.

Until yesterday I finally burst in tears and let myself feel the pain and frustration.

I could not fall asleep and I had only one question pulsating in my head:

Who am I? Why am I on this planet? What am I suppose to do here?

Of course, I did not get striking answer or any drums and lightning and divine intervention.

But, intended to find some relief, I turned on my PC.

Where to seek for help?

I remembered I have a coaching session scheduled with my newly discovered spiritual teacher Syma. I decided to check out her site, and of course… I found exactly what I needed to hear. If you are interested, this and this are the videos Im referring to.

After watching videos, I finally fell asleep.

It was a great relief to realize that it’s okay not to get what I want just yet. Not to be where I want to be. Not to feel super positive all the time..

It was great to let myself feel the frustration and fear of uncertainty. To feel lonely and not all-the-way positive and all-the-time manifesting.

It’s okay not to manifest my desires at all, for that matter. Nevertheless, it’s okay to feel happy about my life in the now. It’s okay to relax and immerse in the moment. And let everything else go.

It is perfectly normal to break down, to feel fear and pain. The only way to go trough it – is actually going trough it. Not running away. Not hiding, and definitely not denying. Simply admitting that you have negative feelings and seeing yourself going trough.

Negative emotions are inevitable. If you don’t allow yourself to feel the pain, you won’t allow to feel love neither. When we block something bad, we are also blocking good.

If you are not getting what you want – it doesn’t mean you suck. You are a child of God, and it doesn’t really matter what you do and how well you think you perform. You are always divine, you are always loved. Obstacles are for us to look closely at them and to realize what blocks we have to clear. And this is what life is all about. Learning how not to run from fear and chase love, but doing it the other way around. Facing fears while patiently waiting for love to chase us.

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s