So steps 3 and 4 of reinventing yourself. Step 1 and 2 can be found here
3. Never compare yourself to others
My personal story to rewrite is ability to make friends anywhere. In other words – be more open and friendly.
I was always envious of that girl or guy who were the center of attention and who, it seems, were born to connect with everyone from the first sight.
But as with other negative habits, at some point I dropped jealousy from my daily use. I have realized few things:
There is no single person with the same life experience as yours, and you can’t possibly act in the same way as someone else. They might have received more love from parents or teachers. They might have been born into wealthy family. They might have never heard of abuse except from the news. Their life helped them to be them. Your life helped you to be you. It’s their story, let them be.
At the same time, there are thousands other people who felt absolutely same emotions as you do. And believe me when I say it. I’ve been reading life stories for many years now, and sometimes I stumble across completely unknown person who seems to be reading my mind. If I were writing about that topic at that time – I would not change a word.
I had also the case when I envied one popular girl while she envied me at the same time. While I was jealous of her friendliness and openness , she was jealous of my independence and ability to be on my own.
And of course, let’s not forget that we always choose someone “better” to compare ourselves to. There are actors and models and gurus. But there are also criminals, drug addicts and mentally ill. Can you celebrate that you are not a criminal instead of hating yourself for not being a model?
Life is a journey. Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes behind. But at the end of the day you realize that you are racing only with yourself. It’s only you who tries to be “as good as others”. Nobody else needs a clone of your friend or Enrique Iglesias or Mother Theresa. The world needs you, your unique story and the way you deal with it.
You can change yourself if you want to, if that will benefit your life. But don’t do it only to be as someone else.
Compare yourself only to you in the past. Take others as a beautiful tool for you to pick the best qualities and develop them, if you want to.
4. And finally: rewrite your story
After preparation work is done – it’s time to actually reinvent yourself.
I choose my story: It would be nice to make friends anywhere I go.
So how would I look like when I would be more friendly? What would I say, what would I do?
That popular girl, she smiles a lot! I gotta do that too.
She listens to everyone. I gotta learn to listen to others, I know that.
She welcomes everyone no matter how he looks or talks. Oh boy, I dismiss anyone who looks suspicious to me…
Now, imagine yourself doing it.
I am smiling. I look fresh and content. I welcome everyone who comes around. I expect only good from people.
That guy was staring at me all night – he must have fallen in love with me (instead of my usual “he must think I am weird”)
That girl stared at me in the bus – she must have liked my shoes! (instead of “she thinks something ugly about me”)
That lady must have thought: young innocence (instead of “I must be annoying to her”)
It’s a lot of fun to do it. As long as you don’t beat yourself up for not being there, but rather thinking: I am so cool and fascinating! Hm, should I try to improve that thing or not? Do I really want it or not?
I went trough big transformations in my life, and I still have a lot to do. But these techniques help me enormously on my journey. It would be so wonderful if they can help someone else too.