What is the story you tell to yourself(and others) about you? Is it “Im not smart enough”? Or “Im fatter than that friend of mine”? Or “Im not pretty enough”. Or “not as happy as others”?
Whatever is your story, if you are struggling and desperately want to change it – there are few easy steps you can take to succeed. For ease of reading, I will split those steps into two articles, because I truly have a lot to say about this topic.
- Forgive yourself (and others) for your past.
For everything. We beat ourselves up for making wrong choices or saying wrong words. We hate people who hurt or betrayed us. We spend all our time and energy, desperately trying to re-do that story of shame, loss or pain. We are so stuck in the past that we are not building the future. Or rather, we are projecting that past into the future, because this is what’s active in our vibration – dwelling on mistakes and failures.
There is no single human being out of 7.6 billions of them who didn’t make mistakes. Who doesn’t make them daily, to be specific.
Think about all the gifts your past has given you. You are here, right now, you went trough that experience and you survived. Compare yourself in the past and now and realize: It could not happen differently, you could not prevent it, or could not act differently, even if you think you could. It all happened the way it should have, for the purpose of pushing you to grow, making you strong and powerful and way smarter. Which you weren’t before.
Instead of focusing on what went wrong – make a conscious choice to focus on what went right. Refuse to think your failures over and over again. Choose to rehearse and rewind your wins. Try it. It will seem hard at first, but as with any other skill – after some time you ll do it automatically.
I suggest to have a notepad always with you. We tend to forget good things very quickly. So whenever you accomplish something, or get a compliment or gift – write it down immediately. And at the end of the day re-read them many times and give gratitude for all your achievements. Even the smallest ones! We are used to dismiss small wins with “ah, please, anybody can do it”. But we never dismiss small failures with the same ease!! We gotta turn that wheel 180 degrees around.
Do forgiveness exercises, if needed. I did a lot of them. There is one specific technique called ho’oponopono(search on youtube) which makes miracles literally overnight.
If you have really deep wounds from the past, like abuse or war, loss of parents – you might want to consider working with a professional. I decided to try NLP. After only one session with an amazing NLP professional, the next morning ,I kid you not, I dropped all my decades-long sadness over my childhood.
2. Accept wherever and whoever you are right now.
And move from there. Self-love and again self-love. Accept who and where you are and what you have. Literally say: Okay, let’s see. I have 50/60/100 kilos weight. I have house/flat/room. I (dont) have a partner. I am rather negative than positive. I have 2/3/15 friends. That is so cool! Now which aspect could be nice to change?
Loving yourself does not mean loving only positive part of you. You have to love yourself with all your demons. Your demons are your protectors. They remember your pain, whether it was loss, shame, unworthiness, rejection – and they don’t want you to feel it again. That’s why they make you act in unloving way, so that nobody ever gets close. That’s why you eat a lot, or act arrogant and aggressive – you re-affirm to yourself that you are unlovable. In this way your demons make sure you keep distance, so that no person will ever get close enough to hurt you again.
The only way to work with your demons is to love them, too. Love all aspects of you as a whole. You are balanced and worthy just the way you are.
By expressing love to ourselves now – we state to the Universe that this is what we want more of. By considering yourself beautiful – you will attract more beauty. By saying how smart you are – you will start acting smart and making good choices.
to be continued …