Living life to the fullest always sounded to me like “something out there entitled for others”.
They can live it. They have money, fame, love, family, freedom, opportunities. I don’t. I have to deal with what I have and suffer in the process.
Now, after months and months of peeling off old beliefs, I start to dream. I start to believe in me, in the fact that all humans are equal and there are no lucky, chosen or special and gifted people out there.
We ALL are gifted. We ALL are special. In the way that each of us has uniq talents to offer to the world.
I start to truly dream big and dare to believe that it’s possible. I dig very deep and uncover long lost and buried child dreams.
I start to realize that getting that promotion, having slightly more money, having house or flat or car, meeting love of my life – are just mixture of casual wishes of my friends, workmates and family.
What do I really want?
Writer! I love writing! I gotta be a writer!
But well… I don’t want to be a solo writer sitting in his cave all day and not seeing people. I need people.. And I really don’t want to do nothing more but write all day long.
Deeper. Dig deeper. There has to be more.
What did you want to be as you were a child? – they often ask in self-help materials on finding your path
Ah damn, again this stupid question.
I never specifically wanted to be anything! Of course, standard girlish dreams like being a model, actress, singer …
A second later it hits me:
I want to be a singer! I want to be a star!
Why on earth have I avoided answering this question for so long??
Now I know how that sounds. Common childish dream, we all wanted to be famous and glorious.
Gremlins start to creep in.
I am too old for starting that, with no experience whatsoever, plus we all know that infamous singers are poor and performing in some basement of a local bar, and it’s really
hard easy (positive affirmations!) to fight the competition and become famous. So why would I possibly pay attention to it???
In a flash I start recalling my childhood.
Participating in school chorus. Learning to play piano. Recording my own singing with the tape recorder for hours, together with my best friend. Learning lyrics and singing along with hundreds favorite songs. Being complimented for singing better than original singers!(I’m not kidding). Picturing myself in the lights of a stage, my face on big screens seen by thousands, and my voice filling up the hall to the furthest corner.
When I imagine this I lighten up. My world lightens up. I feel unstoppable.
I want to be a singing star! – few simple words cause such excitement in me that I can’t hold my tears…
I have no idea how to go from IT specialist to career of a singer at the age of 31. I don’t know for how long Ill hold this excitement. I don’t know if I ever become world-known super star, although this idea thrills me to my core. I don’t know if I ever sing anywhere outside that basement of a local bar, or if I sing at all.
But one thing I know for sure:
I can not NOT act!
I know if I don’t try right now – I will regret it my whole life. So I made my first move: signed up for singing lessons.
Too ambitious, crazy, unbelievable? Yes. This is how I feel. But deep inside I feel peace. Plus, I don’t dramatically change anything. Ill just go for those lessons.
Living a charmed life means acting on your desires, inspirations and impulses. Just because you want to. The ultimate result doesn’t really matter, although I pictured myself on the stage so many times. But maybe taking singing lessons will simply help to uncover even deeper desires of mine.
Louise Hay started her teachings at the age of 45. She self-published her first book being nearly 50. She took drawing and dancing classes after that, being at around 60, just because she wanted.
I can do that too.
I have learned to take life one step at a time. What truly matters is if I enjoy that step. And something tells me that I will.
Looking forward to hitting the studio next week!