… or as my friend has actually put it:
Bro, I give zero fucks whether you like me. I like me.
A lot has been said and written about romantic relationships between men and women. A lot of movies, books, articles, examples from our own and friends’ lives – with one undeniable silver lining:
If you want to be happy in a relationship, you must be happy on your own first.
There is no need for hundreds of books and therapy sessions. There is no need for couple(or singles) counseling. There is no need for anything else after you master this one skill: Be happy and content with yourself.
And although it’s more common for women, men also tend to lose themselves in a relationship quite often.
I (as everyone else I believe) have experienced both sides, when I lose myself to a man, and when a man loses himself to me.
None of them worked.
I knew this truth since very long time, but I didn’t really know what it means. My reaction to such advice was always: “yeah, yeah, I know that bullshit about self-love and stuff, let’s skip it. Tell me how to get the guy”.
But as another relationship has failed again, I started to give correct question.
What am I doing wrong?
After deep, long inner work, signing up for coaching course, taking NLP sessions with NLP professional, and of course after all those books, articles and movies – I start to master my life like an artist. And I finally realize that relationship with a man is just part of it. One aspect of the whole picture. One item on the to-do list.
I never worked specifically on “how to attract men”. All I worked on is my self-love. Accepting me for who I am. Not caring for those who don’t approve it.
Being single for a while has been the biggest gift the Universe could ever give me. I would never be able to grow so much while being dissolved in a man.
My self-esteem sky-rocketed. I discover new talents and things I like every day. I do those things every day. I change, adjust, figure out which beliefs are mine, and which are of my parents, friends, workmates. I dismiss everything that doesnt belong to me.
I create me. Every day.
I stopped caring if a man will ever come around.
And then they started coming and inviting me out.
But I don’t care so much anymore. I check with my true self – will I really enjoy the time with this man? If the answer is “no” – I don’t go. If I answer “yes” – I might find some time for him. But I take going for a coffee with him as going for a coffee. Going for dinner as dinner. Without planning a wedding and choosing names for our children. After that coffee, I return home and go about my day like nothing has changed.
Because nothing has really changed.
My best advice for all the women out there and to myself in the past:
Love yourself. Work on it daily. This is the only work worth an effort.
When dating a man pretend like you are still single. Be your authentic self and don’t care whether he likes it. Care only about you liking you. If he is a perfect match for you – you won’t need to beg for his attention. He’ll know it. And you will know it, too.