Self-esteem is only this: the thoughts you have about yourself.
You don’t need to work on your confidence. Ever. You don’t need to anyhow artificially raise your self-esteem.
All you want to do is start saying kind and loving words to yourself, doing affirmations, repeating them over and over again, no matter how awkward, weird and unbelievable they may sound now. Start wherever you are, with whatever you have.
I love myself
My opinion is equal to the opinion of others
I am beautiful and everybody loves me
I am surrounded by kind and compassionate people
I always know how to behave
My opinion may not be valid for others, but it’s valid for me
My life path is only for me to live, and so only for me to chose.
Learn to say a simple “thank you” when you receive a compliment. You don’t need to justify it.
Say firm “No” when you feel you need to.
Learn to say “No, I don’t want” and add nothing after that.
It may feel scary and weird at the beginning. You might be afraid to disappoint others and not be loved by them.
But others will come and go. They will test your boundaries, demand impossible, they may express their disapproval, but at the end of the day, it’s only you one-to-one with yourself. And it’s you who will have to deal with destructive inner dialog, it’s you who will feel guilty for saying Yes instead of No and the consequences of it. Not them. They will go home and watch TV and forget all about you.
You see, by staying true to yourself and saying “yes” only when you really want to – you will filter out people who don’t accept you for who you are. Only those, who like you for adjusting your life according to them, will be disappointed.
When you start being your authentic self – you will attract authentic people. Those, who will support and encourage you for your opinion and life choices.
Don’t ever regret being honest with someone. You dared to be opened, that means you have courage. If it was rejected – it’s a perfect chance to filter out this person from your life.
Don’t be afraid to say something wrong or stupid. If it doesn’t look stupid to you – it’s already valid. Your opinion is not less valuable than other’s. Say to yourself:
Why is that his/her approval is more important to me than my own? I know how I feel or think, I know what I need. I didn’t invent it, it’s real. My own approval is enough, and I deserve to have people who respect it.
Look around. Do you see examples of people doing ridiculous things and being loved for that? Doing all kinds of mess and being admired?
That’s right, it’s because they love themselves for who they are and for all the mess they do. And so should you.
You are wonderful. Learn to be shamelessly, unapologetically you by simply telling yourself loving words, over and over again. And don’t ever stop.
Shine your light, it can be as bright as the light of those you admire.