We, women, we want men who are capable of acts of love. Who are capable to “come and get us”. Who shower us with gifts, attention, and protection. And who ALWAYS! come back after fights.
We all dream about a prince on a white horse who comes and saves us from ourselves. Some of us dare to admit it out loud. Some don’t even dare to admit it to ourselves. But we ALL want it.
Then why so many end up in relationships which are far away from that dream?
From my perspective, one of the problems lies in the desire to be saved by a man, but it’s not the only one. Although I totally agree that no one can ever save you except yourself. That you can’t put such pressure on someone to make you happy. Nobody will be able to handle this pressure for a long time. I know I can’t handle it when a man puts it on me. I run without turning back. It’s scary, to realize that you have a burden for your whole life to make someone happy, and if you fail at it – and you will at some point – he will go mad and crazy and break down. And it is no wonder that men run away from me too, when I cling to them and demand to be entertained.
But recently I have realized that there is another reason for that dream not coming true.
We want a man who is capable of acts of love, but we cling to the one who simply isn’t.
We pick a man. We get to know him slightly. And immediately we try to fit him to our ideal image of a prince, even if in fact he is homeless. We ignore his old stinky clothes. We say – he is just hiding his wealth because he is ashamed of it. But as soon as we make him feel comfortable with us – he will show his true self and all his glory. He will take us to the edge of the world and expand our universe. He will conquer the world and bring it to our feet. I just have to wait a bit. So I agree to put up with his old, stinky clothes just for a while until he magically turns to a prince.
And so we go and do everything to make him feel comfortable. We feed him and shower with love. We show him acts of love so that he knows he is safe to do so too. We try so hard to prove him that now, with us, he can finally open up. Because we love him so much, he is safe! And we wait for his efforts. Minute by minute. Day by day. Year by year. But it’s not coming.
Then we go and endlessly complain about “how bad my man is”. Of how we dream to receive flowers, but end up buying gifts for him. Of how “all men are assholes, lazy and all good ones died few centuries ago”.
And we don’t realize that we are wasting time and energy with a person who simply can’t give us what we want.
You can’t come to Thai restaurant and demand Mexican food. The waiters will tell you they don’t serve Mexican and will show you their Thai menu. They might ask you to leave if you insist on Mexican. Sometimes they might like you so much that they will go to the nearest Mexican restaurant and order that food just for you to make you happy. But the next time they will realize that it’s much easier to serve clients who came for Thai food, and despite they like you very much, they WILL switch attention to Thai food lovers. Ignored, you will have to leave. And maybe in the future, they will expand and upgrade and start serving Mexican food too. But at this point, you will have to go to the restaurant next door or you will end up being hungry.
Some men don’t know how to show care in general. Some of them don’t show it to you only, because they don’t like you that much. Some are not ready at this point in life but might be very much ready later. And for some of them, we just don’t give a chance to show up.
You want a partner who comes back to you after misunderstandings and fights? Then why do you still wait for that man who doesn’t? Why do you come to him instead, if all you want is to be taken and conquered? Why do you want one thing, but with all your thoughts and actions you prove the opposite?
Nobody canceled the Law of attraction. If you go after a man – all you say to the Universe is that this is what you want more of. And it doesn’t matter what you really crave for. You send the energy of action, not receiving. And then you go complain about your lazy partner, which supports your actions even more.
It is very normal for a human being to want care and love. It is very normal for a man to go and get and for a woman to receive. This is how masculine and feminine energy works, and there is no shame or weirdness in it.
But we have to learn how to align our actions with our desires. We have to learn how to wait and receive with faith.
Let a man be a man. Leave him alone and stop complaining. If you want him to come – give him a chance to do so. Sit in stillness and wait. If he is genuinely interested – he will do everything to get you, and he doesn’t need safe conditions for it.
And if your man doesn’t come to you – he is simply not your man. Maybe not now, or maybe not ever.
Sit back, relax and wait for your prince to arrive. And use the waiting time to become princess yourself.